Wheatley's baby
by shadowsorel
Summary: What happens when Liu, Noob, and Sonya are at the hospital? Dedicated to (Written à la) Bellaswangirl71.


One day, Wheatley was human for some reason and looked like Stephen Merchant and no one knows how or why. For some reason after trying to kill her Chell had forgiven him and was really horny so they made a baby.

Suddenly he finds himself in a hospital because Chells water broek and he is nervis and he is a football fan and was teesed by his peers for his height and wore bowties to school. He walked around and he was scared but he was brave. He paced and paced and huffed and puffed and blew houses down and Liu Kang was biting a pillow.

Chell and Kitana were pregnant two minutes apart, as if that made such a huge difference. However, Kitana wasn't about to give birth.

Sonya and Noob rushed over to the hospital because they heard someonew as havinf a baby even though they don't know who or how they hred. Its because news of someone having a baby spreasd quick, regardless of the parents. Sonya was about to throw up because she just finished a Happy Meal and ran with Noob Saibot and portal travel makes her sick and she sucks for some reason. Sonya hated hospitals because of her status as butt monkey because she sucks. And she sucks.

"Lu your havin a baby" asked Noob Saibot "No Kitanas not due yet." responded Liu and then he saw the tall man looking at him biting the pillow and looking at him looking at him okay i'll stop now said noob.

The tall man was extermely nervus he couldn't clam down because Chell was having his baby but his frends werent and they wanted a baby too. Noob looked at the tall man, who was breathing a lot and walking a lot, and he couldn't talk to Sonya because she sucked, so he was lonely. Your having a baby asked n00b.

"Yes I am" responded the tall man "who are you and why are you pitch black."

"I am Noob this my freind Lu not Sonya because she sucks"

"Uh, like, I'm Wheatley and I am goingt o be a dad!." Said the tall man and then he cried. "Whats wrong Wheatly?." asked Sonya. "Rick turned human and killd himself" he cried. "im so sorry Wheetly" she replayed. "shut up Sonya" yelled n00b.

The doctor came up to Whaatly and and told him the baby is born and healthy and Wheelty said phew thank you I want to see my baby now no its not your baby said the doctor.

"!" Sonya exclaimed "shut up Sonya you suck" said Lui

"OMG WHOTIE LU N00B I KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS" yelled Sonya

"Shut up Sonya your hurtin gmy ears" Noob yelled.

"It was... VOLDEMORT!"

"This is stupid," stated the reader. The reader immediately reached for a nearby .357 magnum pistol, but then reconsidered. Is a horribly written fanfic really something to kill yourself over? No, especially if you didn't write it. So because the reader's eyes hurted from the terrible awful* done unto them, the reader didn't review. And had the reader reviewed, it would have regarded her awful character spelling and grammar structure. Hell, an earthquake has better structure.

Those [intelligent people] who had left reviews constantly told her to improve her writing, but it was futile since she will never listen to us unless we praise her. Others have praised her, and judging from their profiles and typing skills, they are stupid and tasteless and don't know talent and listen to 2chainz and Justin Bieber and any mainstream artist and haven't read anything by Shadow Sorel, who had busted her ass on a slow computer. Shadow also worked on her fanfics using a cell phone, which was very efficient, considering that it had a little archive for notes and stories and could type and use but that's beside the point. Shadow had a very busy school schedule and a lot of trouble making friends and always wanted to meet Thomas Bangalter and dreamt of being an author, so she worked for it. While a whiny, illiterate piece of shit "wrote" over a hundred "stories" and expects them to be good, a genius (compared to her) around her age carefully crafts each word to the point where it's still crap, but it's readable, and expects to be booed at.

With some random force of magic, Ice Age's Diego and Left 4 Dead's Ellis meet. Diego is an old-ass motherfucker who'd look like he'd eat you out. Nah, he's a sabre-toothed tiger who has a soft spot for babies (evident in the first and third one). Ellis is a very handsome redneck (with blue eyes and curly brown hair) who just might be the smartest of the survivors- seeing as he is a mechanic- but doesn't seem like it. However, he is very optimistic and chipper... And modeled after a professional male model.

Diego and Ellis looked at the disaster in front of them, causing Ellis to weep softly as the franchise he starred in was being burnt and torn down before his eyes, still careful not to let anyone see nor hear, while Diego placed a paw on his back, telling him it's going to be alright, and that they'll get out of these shitholes she calls stories.

And Bella Cullen decided to have a sexual affair with the Scout from Team Fortress 2.

**THE END**

* * *

***Not to be confused for the Terrible Awful done to Hilly Holbrook from _The Help_, which is basically make her enjoy a shit-filled pie. She had it coming, anyways.**

**Hello! This story is a joke, written as a/à la Bellaswangirl71. Confusion and bastardization of a well-established series by a poorly-inserted infant were to be expected, along with a few other trolling influences and my own personal touch.**

**Okay, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh. But this is what happens when someone ruins an archive. She has ruined the Left 4 Dead archive for me, along with Mortal Kombat. Okay, now I'm _mad._**

**Thank the omniscent entity(ies) she hasn't touched Portal yet, or Wheatley would be human and having more babies than the average sperm count, and GLaDOS... would somehow have a baby.**

**Who knows? Maybe they're trolling. I wouldn't be surprised, seeing as no one could possibly be this stupid.**

**All the spelling mistakes were intentional.**


End file.
